Disabled People's Needs and Shame

How I discovered I am Asexual

“Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity.“

I wanted to share something from my life that no one really noticed.

A quiet coming out

On June second this year, I came out.

Quietly.

Not very visible.

I added LGBTQIA+ to my Facebook bio.

I only found out last year, that I belong to the LGBTQIA+ community.

That might sound strange to people.

How could you not have known?

The moment of recognition

It all started with me attending some lunch and learn a year ago, organised by a work colleague.

It was a series of teachings, and one of them was explaining the meaning of each letter in LGBTQIA+.

I wanted to attend, to show support for the person who organised it and also because I thought it was good to learn more.

I learned about the A.

You know when it hits you and you go, that’s me?

So I googled.

I asked questions.

I researched.

The final piece of the puzzle

And after being diagnosed with ADHD in 2022, autism in 2023, learning that I am asexual in 2024 was a final piece that was missing, so my life could finally make sense to me.

Again, you might think, how is this possible?

When you grow up in a society and family that’s conservative and religious there is a lot you have to hide from the world.

And instead of being yourself, able to ask questions and allowed to explore who you are and what being in this world means to you, you are forced to hide, feel shame and wonder: “What’s wrong with me?”

Finding peace and understanding

Finding out about being asexual helped me to feel even more peace in my life, so much made sense.

I always blamed my childhood trauma, but even after healing so much and being the happiest person, I know, that aspect of my life didn’t change.

Now I know why.

I don’t have to be anything anyone else expects me to be anymore.

True freedom can lie in the permission we give ourselves.

Still, it took me a year to be brave enough to share.

Why this matters

One of the memes that are shared currently says:

Pride isn’t about turning straight kids into queer kids.

Pride is about not turning queer kids into dead kids.

As someone who tried to die by suicide age 19, this is important to me.

It’s personal.

If I can, I will fight for you, I will encourage you, I will love you for whom you are.

Because I became the person, I needed when I was younger.

I fought my way through depression and anxiety, not only for myself, but for everyone else, who feels lost and misunderstood.

Living authentically

We are not born to fulfil other people’s expectations or make them feel less uncomfortable.

We are all responsible for our actions, but my declaring who I am is not harming you.

People dressing like they want, choosing names and pronouns that suit them better than what was given, is not harming you.